Just a little sap...

This was the first Christmas that I have ever spent away from my family. You see my wife can’t get any vacation time in December because the bank she works at finishes its year in December. Doesn’t this seem dumb to anyone else? But I guess when you’re a Podunk town you don’t worry about out-of-towners working at your business. So the wife and I spent the day of the birth of Christ here in lovely Danville, VA. She actually had to work at the hotel from 7-11 so our Christmas Morning was a little delayed. But I still managed to be up and showered by the time she got home.

Honestly, I’ve always enjoyed giving gifts more than getting them. I think it’s because I’ve always felt that I’m good at knowing what to get people. Case in point, this year. I have to say that I was damn impressed with my shopping for my wife. I got her a pair of fleece lounging pants, a set of holiday dessert plates with entertaining sayings and pictures of Santa and his reindeer drinking martinis, a new bed set (sheets, comforter, etc. This is/was the home of Dan River, Inc so being able to get this gift at the factory store was a steal), and finally a digital camera. To say that I did a good job would be an understatement.

The rest of my day consisted of watching the Pistons trounce the Spurs, eating lunch at my relatives, and finishing off with the Heat/Lakers game. A good day, but not the drunken, card playing, eating, board game playing day I’m used to at my in-laws. Good times.

Other than that I’ve been enjoying my week off. I got drunk at my buddy’s on Monday, did laundry and got the oil changed in the wife’s car on Tuesday, and then pretty much ended my week by cashing in my Best Buy gift cards for a new PS2 and NCAA Football 2006. Obviously not much got done Thursday. But I did manage to give my stank cats a bath today.

New Year’s is shaping up like a drunken good time. We’re going to my buddy’s for a small get together. I’ve got 3 leftover bottles of bubbly from what was supposed to be a celebration after the Appy League Championship series, so it should be a good time.

I’m growing a beard. Actually it looks pretty good except for the fact that I can’t bridge the gap from my mustache to the beard. This was my fear. But it keeps my face warm and regardless of what my wife says I’m keeping it.


I hope that everyone has a Happy New Year. And go Bucks, kill the Catholics.

You'll have to excuse my friend...The town is that way!

By far my favorite part of the weekend was seeing the “Peyton Manning Face” numerous times Sunday. We all know that face. The same one he made every time he played Florida in college, the one he’s made for the last two years against the Pats, and of course the one he makes every time something goes wrong. He was typical crybaby, blame everyone else, I’m going to sit in the corner and pout Peyton. I laughed a lot. The best part of the whole game was on 4th and goal from the 1 in the 2nd quarter. Apparently 10 of the Colts thought that a run was called, but good ole Peyton thought the call was for a pass. So when he faked to Edge up the middle and rolled left, he looked up to see Reggie Wayne blocking his man at the 3 and Shawne Merriman crushing him. It was awesome. Nice job Peyton.

Now I’m not one to hate on anyone, but I don’t like Manning. I think that he’s an arrogant snob and couldn’t lead a pack lemmings over a cliff. So the possibility of a Pats-Colts second round playoff game thrills me. If everything stays status quo and there aren’t any first round upsets the Pats will visit the Colts in the divisional game. How scared would every Colts fan on Earth be going into that game? The Pats are getting healthier by the week, their defense is playing like it did 2 years ago, and you know that Brady would love to knock Peyton out again. I’m getting chills just thinking about it.

Hey, the Browns won yesterday. Yeah it was a real ugly game, and they tried to give it away on the last drive. But fortunately the fumble call was overruled by replay. Charlie Frye has the potential to be great. He’s got a good front office that should put the pieces in place and he’s got a good coach (a big teddy bear as a matter of fact). The Browns are still a long way from Super Bowl talk, but add a few pieces this off-season between free agents and the draft and the playoffs should be a realistic goal for the first time in a while. This week is their Super Bowl for this season. The Steelers come to Cleveland pretty much in a must win situation to stay ahead of the Bolts and company. When you’re 5-9, these are the games you live for.

One of those off-season moves should be to cut Dennis Northcutt. He had a big punt return yesterday, but also dropped 3 passes and cost us about 30 yards in field position on 3 second half punts that he decided not to catch. Awesome dude. He’ll go somewhere else and learn to catch the ball and be a good slot receiver, but it won’t be in Cleveland.

I loved the fact that they were playing “Mama Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys” at the end of the Cowboys-Redskins game yesterday. If they’ve always done that great, if not, the guy who runs the music at FedEx field deserves a raise.

I was at my buddy’s yesterday watching football and drinking. After the 4 o’clock games were over he challenges me to a game of ESPN Scene It. Now I have never played this game before, but let’s just say I know quite a bit of sports trivia. When I won the game he was about a quarter of the way around the board. It was pretty awesome to be me right about there.

I know what two of the three gifts under my tree are (they’re obviously for me from my wife). I found the receipt for one left in a plastic bag that I used to clean out the cats’ shit box and I heard her tell her step-mom what the other one was on the phone yesterday morning when I was still laying in bed. It kind of takes the fun out of opening presents. Its not like I tried to find out. Its reasons like this that my wife would be a horrible criminal. She’d leave clues behind.

The second best season of the year starts tomorrow night, Bowl season (I consider the NCAA tournament to be the best season). It all kicks off with the New Orleans Bowl, which is of course being played in Lafayette, LA. That should be a good atmosphere. At least playing in a half full Super Dome is still playing in the Super Dome.

The Mount Union Purple Raiders won their 8th NCAA D-III National Title in 13 years on Saturday. Congrats. That’s impressive as hell, I don’t care what level you play at. My grandpa and both of my aunts on my Dad’s side went to Mount so I’ve always been a fan. I was actually there in 1997 when they won. And I remember seeing Jim Ballard play in 1993 when I was in 8th grade. That was the first title, but I wasn’t allowed to go to Salem for the Championship because my mom didn’t want me to miss a day of school. You know how some things you look back on and you’re glad your parents made that decision, that’s not one of them. My mom was just being spiteful towards my Dad and per usual I was in the middle. Solid parenting, I see where my sister gets it from.

Last thing, thanks to the Bears last night for whooping Michael Vick and the Falcons. I think that that was the easiest bet of the entire season. Bears by 3 at home, at night, in the cold against a one-dimensional team. Cake. Thanks Rex.

If you're here, and I'm here, then isn't it our time?

I’m going to start with something I have totally neglected this week and it was brought to my attention in today’s Sports Guy column. Lisa Guerrero in Playboy. Awesome spread. I saw it this weekend at my buddy’s house. She is impressive to say the least. Can you imagine the conversation between Al Michaels and John Madden as they peruse the issue in the Madden Cruiser?

Al: Now honestly John, I have to tell you that I didn’t see this coming.
Madden: See what you’ve got here is a great body. Everything works. Great legs, nice ass, fantastic breasts, now if you just put some duct tape over her mouth you’d be in great shape. I tell you this is a great package. I don’t know how you don’t win with this.
Al: Oh wait, yeah we do.

Has anyone else noticed that the Fiesta Bowl is going to be played January 2nd at 4:30 and the Sugar Bowl is the prime time game that night? What the hell is the deal? OSU-ND will be one of the most watched games in the last 10 years. Now sure you put it on at 4:30 maybe some of those fans stay on to see the under card of UGA-WVU, but I think that the Fiesta will lose some of its luster because it will be played as a day game (Tempe, AZ). A game of that magnitude should be in the prime time slot under the lights.

It was good to see that the Cavs remembered how to use LeBron last night to win games. He ran the point pretty much the entire 4th quarter. He only took about 4 shots but the offense was seamless. Guys were getting open looks from his drives and kicks and people were moving without the ball and he was hitting them. Their biggest problem over this current slide has been that guys were standing around watching LeBron. Also, I really liked them using Damon Jones as the off-guard. He had 5 or 6 open looks after he came off of screens and Donyell Marshall continues to knock down big shots. He hit two threes in the last 7 minutes of last nights game.

Alex Rodriguez has decided not to play in the WBC because he doesn’t want to upset anyone. What? He can’t decide between playing for his native US or his parents’ homeland of the Dominican. Ridiculous. He’s arguably the best player in the world and he’s sitting out because he doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. It’s for reasons like this that he’ll never be the same leader that Jeter is.

I read today that the Black Coaches Association is criticizing Colorado’s hiring of Dan Hawkins. Now I read that CU interviewed a black candidate so what is the problem here. Big time programs have sought after Hawkins for the last 2 or 3 years because he’s continued to build on the solid program that Dirk Cutter helped shape at Boise. Last time I checked there weren’t too many black head coaches in the non-BCS conferences that appear to be as big time ready as Hawkins.

I caught some of Letterman last night. Shakira was on and I think she was high. Now I’ve never seen her perform before, but she really looked like she was on the verge of stumbling. And then during one part of the song she started pulling up her shirt and just before she got to the good part she put it down and start pulling the top part of her shirt down. Now I’m not complaining because Shakira is an attractive young Latina, I just thought that she was a little all over the place. That and she looked like she had had the munchies lately. She is Columbian, for whatever that’s worth.

I also read an article today that some school districts in the north are considering cutting back the school week to help save on heating and fuel costs. Shouldn’t the government step in here and help out? We’re going to sacrifice education because diesel and heating fuel is too expensive? Don’t get me wrong; if I was still in school I would love this proposal. But I’m not. Other countries that value education would never let it come to this.

I bet on the Bears to cover their 3 points this week and beat the Falcons Sunday night in Chi-town. Vick is hurt; it’s going to be freezing. He’s going to take a hit early in the game from Alex Brown, or Urlacher, or maybe even on a safety blitz from Mike Brown and he’s going to be done. Lovie Smith is going to go after him a lot to see how mobile he is.

I’m also calling the Browns to be the Raiders this week. Collins will throw 3 picks and Droughns is going to run for about 125 yards, and maybe even a TD.

I’m out. Go Mount Union in the D-III Championship Game.

I didn't watch my buddies die face down in the muck...

Though Walter Sobchak fought the commies in Vietnam, I would more than willingly wear the Chinese National Baseball team cap. Now grant it my biggest draw to this hat is the sweet English style "C" on the front, obviously because my name starts with a C. I saw this cap at the New Era display at the Winter Meetings Trade Show. Unfortunatley I was unable to persuade the rep to let me have it as a "sample". See here lies the problem, this hat is listed at $34.99 on mlb.com. In this case my thriftiness overrides my want for this cap. I'd still love to have idiots call me a commy on the street though.

Housekeeping. You want me to jerk you off?

I’m glad that the Cavs are going through these tough times now. Remember last season that this same skid occurred around the 50 game mark. They slid and then picked it up for the last 8 games or so of the season. Well, this season they fired out of the gates and now have dropped 6 of 7 going into tonight’s showdown with the Nuggets (I refuse to call it LeBron vs. Melo because I don’t think that Melo is close to being on the same level as LeBron). So if you figure this skid will last for another 7 or 8 games and then they’ll get hot again and then hopefully play consistently through the rest of the season. This is no time to worry.

There’s a Victoria Secrets commercial that’s airing for the holiday season. It’s not the one with the array of lovelies telling you how much they want it. It’s the one with a model dressed in a pink Santa costume and waving around a gift card. It came on last night and I asked my wife how that would go over if I got her a gift card. I got the “don’t even think about it” look. Which leads me to the thought of how many men will get in trouble this holiday season because of that commercial? Obviously not all gift cards are bad; one for a spa is fine (I’m told). But in this case, gift card equals bad idea.

I stumbled upon a great article today. It chronicled NCAA All-Americans who have become NBA busts from 1996-2004. It was pretty interesting. Its good to see that Steve Logan is still filling it up somewhere, even if it is in Turkey. Sam Clancy’s on that list too. They were on the same high school team in Cleveland (St. Ed’s) that won the State Division I title in 1998. There was another guy who went to Northwestern but had some problems and wasn’t heard from. They’re other two starters went DII on full rides. Not to mention that Jawad Williams was frosh on that team.

Are the Hawks the dumbest team in the NBA for not taking Chris Paul with the #2 pick? The New Orleans/OK City/Butt-Fuck Egypt Hornets are playing pretty well. They’re still a couple of years away but if they add the right pieces (which is never a sure thing with that excuse for an organization) they’ll be in good shape.

It’s been raining/icing here all day. Actually since about 5am. So obviously everything in town is pretty much shut down because this is the south and no one knows how to drive in winter weather. Good times. Last week local schools let out early Wednesday and had a 2 hour delay Thursday because of the threat of ice. Nothing like over reacting, but I’d love it if I were in school.

I have no idea what I’m doing here today. I was the only one here until about 12:30. And even since then I’ve done nothing but surf the web.

I’m pretty excited about the NFL on Saturday. I’m already making plans to get drunk. I’ve actually found someone to hang out with that knows sports and drinks.

Speaking of people that know sports. I ran into a whole lot of people who don’t on Monday. I went to the Danville Sports Hall of Fame induction to see Herman Moore. The table I sat at was full of bumbling good ole boys who were idiots. I almost took a swing at the idiot beside me who just kept rambling on like a dumbass. My favorite part of the night (and this should give you an idea of what kind of people live around here) was when the question came up at the table on who was Herman’s QB in Detroit. Now they named his QB in high school and at UVA, but none of these idiots could name Rodney Peete, Scott Mitchell, or Charlie Batch. I was sitting with my drinking buddy and we gave each other the “I’m going to kill these people look.” When I mentioned the names I don’t think that most of them believed me. I closed my eyes and imagined slicing my wrist with my butter knife.

Outside of the drinking and partying, I’d have to say the intelligent sports conversation is one of the things I miss most about Florida. The people I worked with knew their shit for the most part. With the exception of an irrational Yankees fan our discussions were usually pretty in depth (I’m not including Tyler in this group b/c Carlos Beltran is an impact player).

Go Back to Your Home on Whore Island!

Since none of my posts are consistent thoughts I've decided that I can't really title them to fit a certain subject. Therefore I'm going to use phrases that I deem as funny from now on. If anything you should be satisfied to read the title, only to come crashing down as you scroll through the rest of my garbage thoughts.

That idiot Jay Lunardi already has a bracket for the NCAA tournament up on espn.com. I have nothing wrong with him doing it at this point in the season, if anything I think its fun to speculate. I just think that the guy is an idiot. Any ways, an intriguing matchup that happens in his bracket is in the Atlanta region in the 2nd round; Duke vs. West Virginia. If you were a Duke fan cruising into the tournment at about 30-2 wouldn't this game scare the crap out of you? Sure WVU is a zone defense team which means Reddick may get some open looks, but in the same breath, much like Temple and Syracuse, all they play is zone which means they're very good at it. And then on offense they just bomb away. If they're hitting like they did against Wake and Louisville in the tourney last year Duke would have some problems. Nothing would be greater than a bunch of hicks knocking out those blue-bloods.

With the lull in college football season I've started watching college basketball more. I've gotten to see Ohio State twice now (Va. Tech & St. Joe's) and though I haven't been overly impressed with them, I do think that they'll win at least 20 games again this year and be in the tournament. They're thin up front with the exception of Dials, but they are very deep at the 1-3 positions. And as everyone says, guard play wins you games. Just look at Nova.

Speaking of Ohio St. basketball. Where will they be ranked in next season's preseason pole? They'll be a championship contender. The only big loss off of this year's team is Terrence Dials and they're bringing in Greg Oden and his little buddy from Indy and three other guys that are touted as McDonalds All-Americans. My theory on this is that a lot of these kids want to play with Oden. They figure they have to play one year before the NBA so why not all go to the same program and try to win a championship? I think the same thing will happen in a couple of years with OJ Mayo. Who by the way looks like he's about 25.

Today is the anniversary of one of the greatest NBA games ever played. Pistons over Nuggetts 186-184 in 3OT. I know that the game has changed a lot in the last 20 years but wouldn't it be great if teams still scored like that. Denver averaged 123 that season, it takes some teams two games to score that many now. There's an article on Page 2 today about it. They interview a couple of the players from the game and they bring up good points about it being more of a team game back in the day as opposed to today's one-on-one style and set plays. Good read.

I got a picture in the mail the other day from a promoter who books ex-wrestlers. He sent me a picutre of George "The Animal" Steele licking the Stanley Cup at a Minor League Hockey game. Yes this is funny, I laugh when I look at the picture. But do you know how much silver polish they use on that thing? That can't be good for you. Just ask the guys that drink out of it, they all end up sick. At George's age he could be dead by now.

Letters for All

Dear UCLA,

Thanks for coming over and playing in the Coliseum. Hopefully we'll see you around town. Good luck in the Emarld Bowl or where ever the hell you'll be playing. We'll be sure to win the National Title on your home field. Oh, and Reggie says thanks for suring up the Heisman for him.

Love,
USC

PS-You Suck.


Dear Gary,

Even though the old regime didn't have the balls to fire you, we do. I think we all know what the root of the problem was, allowing a girl onto your team. This is Division I-A football, not a circus. Now get the hell out of here.

Love,
Colorado AD and President


Dear Miguel,

Remember when you won the MVP? Playing on a winning team helps in that process. And to win you need pitching. Don't be a little bitch and ask to be traded 2 years into your deal. You knew what you were getting into when you decided to trade wins for dollars. Tell Boog Powell I said hi.

Love,
Billy Beane

Dallas? What Happened to the Dirty Slut you used to be?

I got back from my week long trip to Dallas yesterday. Let's just say it wasn't nearly as much fun as my last trip there, nor was it as much fun as my last Winter Meetings in New Orleans in 2003. Let me give you a short recap.

Sunday

10:45 flight from "lovely" Raliegh-Durham International Airport. Apparently no one in this area knows how to use one of the self check-in machines at the airport which was good for me b/c the line to talk to a person was really long. This was all well and good until some dumb Canadian (she had Air Canada baggage, no self respecting American would carry something like that) wouldn't get out of my way going to the self check-in machine.

So I get through there and security and of course move on to an airport bar to get my Bloody Mary. I do this for two reasons: 1) a drink relaxes me. I'm not a bad flyer, but I do get a little antsy. 2) It helps me sleep on the flight. This is always key especially on a three hour flight.

I basically spent my afternoon in Dallas watching football and ironing my clothes.

I went to the Braves team dinner at a very nice Dallas steakhouse. First-class of course. Open bar the entire time we were there and huge steaks. No entree on the menu was under $35. I had a great NY Strip. I met pretty much everyone in the Minor League Organization, some front office people, and even though I wasn't introduced to him, I sat back-to-back with John Schurholtz at dinner (he's a pretty short dude).

After dinner was when the week took its turn. Yes the I knew where this was heading after the first night. My boss and the boss of the Richmond employees ditch us as we're leaving the restaurant to head back to the hotel in a Hummer. So we hop a cab. Get back to the hotel and I pretty much get ditched by the Richmond people (because I'm the new guy and they just aren't sure about me) and my boss is no where to be found. Awesome. Basically was in my room the first night by 11:30.

Monday

My boss apparently hooked up with some of his old buddies from Winston-Salem Sunday night and got blitzed (thanks for the invite). The best part of this was him falling asleep and leaving the room about 3 times during our minor league team meeting Monday morning. That's right. In the presence of all the higher ups, all of the other teams, my boss is passing out at the meeting table.

Well after this (11am) my boss literally disappears for the rest of the day. Here he was up in his room throwing up and sleeping. So I went to the luncheon, meetings, and started interviewing interns by myself. I ended up going to Hooters for MNF with one of my former coworkers (JW) who was job hunting. This was good times and saved the day a little bit.

Tuesday

This was a pretty decent day. League meeting in the morning, interview some more in the afternoon w/ the bossman. Baseball America awarded the Braves with Organization of the Year so we got to go to the Baseball America Banquet. Free food and free booze for about 4 hours. This is where I think that I grew on the Richmond crowd a little. I'm definitely very charming.

After this dinner I run into another former coworker (RL). Me and my boss ended up sitting with him in the hotel atrium drinking and talking about how my old team is heading further into the toilet because of who is running the operation for about 5 hours. This was good because it showed my boss that I wasn't exaggerating the circumstances.

Wednesday

Another short league meeting in the morning. Go to the Trade Show for a little while. And then the Gala. You would have thought that this would be at the ballpark, no. Its at some redneck bar instead. Food wasn't that great but it was free. Beer was free. I rode a mechanical bull and got an old time picture taken with some of the other Minor League people. They had armadillo racing too. 10 roles around and they literally brought cops in to push us out of the bar. Ridiculous.

Go back to the hotel, run into JW and find out that he got a job. So we went to the gas station and bought a case of beer and sat in the lobby and drank (beers at the lobby bar were $6, I'm poor). Then some yahoo Latino comes over and starts yelling at us b/c its illegal to bring beer and drink it in the lobby. He actually grabbed what was left off the table. I grabbed it back and took it up to my room.

I'm going to skip Thursday because it was boring. Aside from the Cowboy Cheerleaders performing at the closing banquet. Probably the highlight of the week.

Basically I couldn't get anyone to go down to Lower Greenville with me, my boss ditched me half the time when I basically knew no one in the organization, and I did exactly 0 shots (compared to somewhere in the 25 range last Dallas trip).

So here's what I've come up with. Dallas isn't as fun without Hughes. My boss now can't hold my old boss's jock, and there are some snobs in the Braves organization.

A few more thoughts. My former GM's wife never stopped to say hello to me the entire time, though her husband was more than cordial (though he told RL that I had matured, look in the fucking mirror). When his team won the Promotions award he thanked the new ownership, the FSL, and his wife. No mention of his staff. Nice. The Cowboy Cheerleaders were really hot. There was only 1 Nubian princess in the 12, but she was a good one to bring.

That's it, I've got nothing.

No Time

This is going to be short, per usual.

I haven't commented on the fact that Bowling Green lost to Toledo last week in 2OT. Two years in a row now BG has scored 41 on the Rockets and LOST. Here's an idea for an up and coming MAC program. Instead of trying to play run and gun, how about recruiting some athletes to play defense? There's a novel idea, stop the other guy.

Craig James should not be allowed to call games. He's horrilbe and excessively stupid. But I believe that he is the last white tailback to finish in the top 5 in the NFL in rushing for a season.

The Browns regressed horribly Sunday versus the Vikings. This greatly pains me. The only shot they have this weekend against the Jags is if its about 10 degrees with a wind chill of -20 off of the lake.

It was cold as hell last weekend in Ohio. I saw a read out that said 9. It was still November. And there was about 6" of snow at my in-laws.

Driving on the interstates on Thanksgiving weekend is one of the dumbest things one can do. Driving up wasn't bad, coming back was a nightmare.

I'm looking forward to my Dallas trip next week. Then again how can't you look forward to getting out of the office for a week and going to a great city.

Last thing. The Wedding Singer was my flip back for much of last night. Could Steve Buscemi be the greatest character actor of this generation. He's multidimensional. The guy has played about every character type known to man. Seriously, I think someone should write something important about this. But not me. I'm just an idea man. I come up with ideas, its someone else's job to do something with them.