You know how I know that you're gay?...Because your dick tastes like shit.
A few short notes before I leave my place of work early because I’m the only one here.
While my worst fears weren’t realized flying home Sunday (i.e. plane crashing) the inconveniences I feared reared their ugly head. I knew that I only have 40 minutes between flights in Newark. So when my flight out of Seattle was stuck on the runway and we left 30 minutes late I knew I was in trouble. So when I arrived at the Raleigh-Durham gate in time to see my plane backing out I was not happy. I don’t think the Continental employee was either when I berated her for not holding the plane for me. Things only got worse when I was informed that the 8:30 flight to RDU was already over booked by 7 people and they weren’t going to bump anyone for me. I eventually got on the 11:30 flight and by the time I got back to good old Danville it was about 3:30pm. Considering that I had been traveling since 10:30pm PST I was a little worn out.
You see the original plan was to sleep on the cross-country flight. Well that didn’t happen since I ended up next to a feral slam pig. I’m talking so large they had to bring her an extension so she could fasten her seat belt. I thought people that big had to buy 2 seats. On top of this she was moving pretty much the entire flight and had the back of her head shaved under her ponytail. Did I mention the BO? Awesome lady.
Moving on to the events (or lack thereof) of last night. My wife and I started moving boxes and other things that never got unpacked into our new house. This is a one-story place but it has an upstairs crawlspace. Perfect for storing holiday stuff and of course dead baby heads. So when I climbed up there I saw that it was apparent this crawlspace hadn’t cleaned out in a while. There wasn’t anything big. Just some gift boxes, a bunch of old pictures, and some school papers from a kid who was in 3rd grade in 1995-96.
Now you may say Calvin, why is this interesting? It’s interesting because I found this kids report card and class photo. This kid managed to score nothing higher than a “C” (once) in an entire year of 3rd grade. Yet somehow was passed onto 4th grade. What the hell is wrong with schools? I read the teacher’s notes and this kid had some behavior problems too (go figure). Just ridiculous. Anyways I kept the picture and report card and have them stored on the door of the crawlspace for safekeeping. Any time I feel down I’ll look at them and laugh at his stupidity. When he gets out of jail some day I’m sure he’ll want them.
It goes without saying but my wife didn’t think me saying that dead babies were in the attack was nearly as funny as I did.
While my worst fears weren’t realized flying home Sunday (i.e. plane crashing) the inconveniences I feared reared their ugly head. I knew that I only have 40 minutes between flights in Newark. So when my flight out of Seattle was stuck on the runway and we left 30 minutes late I knew I was in trouble. So when I arrived at the Raleigh-Durham gate in time to see my plane backing out I was not happy. I don’t think the Continental employee was either when I berated her for not holding the plane for me. Things only got worse when I was informed that the 8:30 flight to RDU was already over booked by 7 people and they weren’t going to bump anyone for me. I eventually got on the 11:30 flight and by the time I got back to good old Danville it was about 3:30pm. Considering that I had been traveling since 10:30pm PST I was a little worn out.
You see the original plan was to sleep on the cross-country flight. Well that didn’t happen since I ended up next to a feral slam pig. I’m talking so large they had to bring her an extension so she could fasten her seat belt. I thought people that big had to buy 2 seats. On top of this she was moving pretty much the entire flight and had the back of her head shaved under her ponytail. Did I mention the BO? Awesome lady.
Moving on to the events (or lack thereof) of last night. My wife and I started moving boxes and other things that never got unpacked into our new house. This is a one-story place but it has an upstairs crawlspace. Perfect for storing holiday stuff and of course dead baby heads. So when I climbed up there I saw that it was apparent this crawlspace hadn’t cleaned out in a while. There wasn’t anything big. Just some gift boxes, a bunch of old pictures, and some school papers from a kid who was in 3rd grade in 1995-96.
Now you may say Calvin, why is this interesting? It’s interesting because I found this kids report card and class photo. This kid managed to score nothing higher than a “C” (once) in an entire year of 3rd grade. Yet somehow was passed onto 4th grade. What the hell is wrong with schools? I read the teacher’s notes and this kid had some behavior problems too (go figure). Just ridiculous. Anyways I kept the picture and report card and have them stored on the door of the crawlspace for safekeeping. Any time I feel down I’ll look at them and laugh at his stupidity. When he gets out of jail some day I’m sure he’ll want them.
It goes without saying but my wife didn’t think me saying that dead babies were in the attack was nearly as funny as I did.
posted by CFunk28 at 1:12 PM
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